Tuesday, March 22, 2011

An Introverted Mama

I just read a post on Shrinking Violet Promotions: Dispelling Ten Myths About Introverts  and it resonated deeply.  It said, “Introversion is simply the need to recharge in solitude”. Please pardon me while I squeal in recognition: “yes, Yes, YES!”  That is it.  That is me.

I loved the myths they listed.  I’m definitely not shy. I’m not weak. I may be socially awkward and oblivious to some social niceties, but that has nothing to do with being introverted and everything to do with the man who fathered me (you know who you are, Dad).  I am and I'm not a lot of things, but I can say with confidence that if I were to par-boil my essence to one word it would be “introvert”.

Solitude isn’t something I want. It is something I need. Not just to write--or to weasel my way out of  responsibilities--I simply can't connect with myself without it. I don’t think well on my feet.  I can’t get to the roots of problems--my own or anyone else's--by talking them out. I have to work things out or, rather, write things out, in solitude. And solitude is as rare as wombat-testicles in my world. I have two little boys--I’m never alone. And that’s the crux of a current difficulty. I don’t want to be away from them, but recharging in their presence—in anyone’s presence, really—just doesn’t get down deep enough to do the job. And that’s a real pain-in-my-ass.

I’ve managed to work around the “rules of writing" to finish a novel. I can’t write every day. I can’t even always write every other day.  I plug along when I can, where I can—and praise all that is good and holy that my kids occasionally attend preschool (when they're not sick, as they are now--or on spring break, as they are next week).  I'm figuring out how to make writing mesh with parenting—even when the schedule isn’t exactly optimal. But I can’t seem to flip my solitude switch to “none required” no matter how I might like to. It’s my struggle as a parent, as a wife, and as a writer.

Being an introvert isn’t a bad thing, but it can certainly be a tough thing.  For me, anyway.


  1. Hi! I came over from the Shrinking Violets site. LOVE your blog design by the way.

    Fellow introvert mama (and writer) here. When my son was in preschool, and I was regularly babysitting another toddler three-four days a week, I nearly went insane. My mother-in-law wondered why I wasn't having another kid, and I wanted to yell at her that I could barely handle one! I really think it came down to that lack of recharge time. I wasn't getting out of the house, or getting away from the kids. I know exactly how you feel. When my son got in full day kindergarten, I was in heaven.

    Hang in there! Maybe you can get your husband or another mom to take the kids for one day a week. Amazing what a difference even a few hours can make.

  2. Thanks so much, Feywriter! I appreciate your comment and especially your commiseration. Being a mom is definitely the hardest job I've ever done.

    I'm glad to hear you're finally getting the time you need. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to the day they go to "real" school. ;)

  3. Sometimes I LOVE solitude, too. So I can totally relate! Also, did you know my name means, "a person who likes to be alone"? LOL

  4. I'm not introverted, but I do NEED my solitary time for introspection and more often to figure out plot snags. Sometimes the best I ca do is take a shower or a bath to get quiet time to think. (kids and pets and husband and friendly neighbors and the phone ringing doesn't allow me to have much quiet time, thus I nab it where I can.)
    That said, when I'm writing, my office door is shut and the family knows I'm 'in the writing cave' and someone's hair better be on fire or a bones better be broken if they bother me. Though, most of my writing gets done from 11 pm to 3 am. I survive off 3 hours of sleep on nights I write. (6 am comes mighty early)

    Love your blog. I'm new here. *waves hello* :)


  5. Wow, Monica, I think I'll make Monica my middle name. (I don't have one, the "B" is for my maiden name.) It's beautiful AND Suitable!

    Lola! :D If I hadn't just taken Monica as my middle name, I'd be tempted to add yours. I love "Lola". Welcome and thanks for the morning smile after a rough night.

    You get by on 3 hours of sleep? I'm impressed. I'd turn into some sort of bear-hyena cross if I tried that very often. My baby is really sick right now and nobody is getting much sleep at my house. *Yawn*

    I'm so glad you like the blog! Thanks so much for joining my little strand of the interwebz. :D

  6. dad says: I don't really think of us as introverts. We are people who are living large inside our own heads.

  7. I'd say you're just trying to justify the things you've spawned. :P


I never bite the hand that comments

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Blog Design by Use Your Imagination Designs all images form the Ticket to Dragons End kit by Lorie Davison